by James Silberstein
CL>Orange co> for sale/wanted > baby & kid stuff
We conceived a happy family. Susan finally got pregnant—a boy, we found out. The first ultrasound looked good. We bought the book, What to expect, 4th edition. It sells for $7.92. Susan managed to read about half without breaking the spine. We splurged on muslin swaddle blankets, tighter and warmer—so Susan had read. At $47.85 I was reluctant, but she persisted. Eventually, I relented. They’re still in the plastic.
After that, she had me. Nothing secondhand. Espresso crib, $299.99. Matching changing table, $214.44. Both easily disassembled for transport. We put safety first with the crash-resistant car seat, $128.99. After an hour and a half, I got it snug in the backseat, but it can be easily removed. No dings or scratches. There’s a bouncer ($49.99) and a boppy ($40.29). Neither ever rocked. And there’s a glider ($187.98) with matching ottoman, only lightly tested. Susan was small. You should have seen her smile, “It’s perfect, no squeaks.”
There are blankets and onesies and tiny socks and hats and outfits from friends and monogramed T-shirts that say Grandpa’s Boy and Auntie Loves Me.
Two-and-a-half months early, complications arose. After difficult labor, Alex was born but stayed only hours. His mother followed closely. No need to recoup all costs. Would be happy to know things in good home.
Call or tx (714) 555-1743
Hablo Espanol
Do not contact seller with unsolicited offers.
3 comments:
I love the concept for this one, but I feel you got stuck between the format and telling a story. Didn't seem quite neutral enough to be an advert and too impersonal to leave a mark. Also, I think you could have worked through the pricing idea a lot more; its very striking and my favourite element but doesn't seem to have enough purpose in the story.
Nice take on the old myth about Hemmingway's six word story he wrote during a bar bet. I agree with Lawrence. It was too personal for an advertisement and not quite personal enough for a story. I'd suggest going with the advert style. Maybe even use bullet points. Let the emotion build on what isn't sad, like it does with the title.
Gentlemen,
Thanks for the excellent feedback. Reworked the material at #72. All best!
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