#185 Davis’ Camera

by Racine Green

I’ve been sitting in this chair for 2 hours, I’m waiting for nothing and everything at the same time. Does it make sense? Does it need to make sense? No. It’s my time after all.

Davis’ camera is still in here, I was hoping he’d take it when he left but it’s just sitting here with me. The company I don’t want. The first time I move from the chair in 2 hours and I grab it. Every part of it reminds me of him. The power button, his hard eyes, the screen, his cold chest, the lens, his long…

Car horn… I look outside and saw the neighbors. Young and in love. Stupid and vulnerable. These girls aren’t lost yet, they have their freedom and their sanity, I’m bound by my incompetence and I’m too far gone. Their smiles look perfect. A picturesque moment Davis would say.

Davis that I won’t forget…Ever. I turn my focus back to the camera and hold it up to my face. I push the power button and the bright flash leaves images of him in my eyes. The noise outside the door is a low buzz and I’m suddenly self conscious as if they can see me. I look over my shoulder then back at the camera and I flash again, and there he is again.

This was slowly becoming my addiction, until after the two hundredth time it stopped flashing and I was lost and blind in my sorrow as an ex-girlfriend.

1 comment:

Deb said...

Hi Racine,

The proofreader in me couldn't help noticing a few problems, but overall I really like your story. I could just see the girl repeatedly flashing that camera and feel her torment.

My suggestions, for what they're worth : ) Watch your tense, like here: "I look outside and saw the neighbors." Watch placement of punctuation, like here: "The power button, his hard eyes, the screen, his cold chest, the lens, his long…" If you remove commas after button, screen and lens it reads as if the button is his eye, the screen is his chest, the lens his...

Lastly, sometimes less is more. We learn in the first sentence that she has been in the chair for two hours, so in second paragraph you could just say "The first time I move I grab it." The last sentence would be more powerful (to me) if you end it at the word "sorrow," as we already know it's all about lost love.

Good take on the prompt!