#151 Steve’s Incredibly Diverse, Non-denominational Purgatory

by Denny Vanvick

“I want to put a ding in the universe”—Steve Jobs

Steve’s pissed. He’s forced to mill around with the masses until he’s finally allowed to pass through one of two gates. Ridiculous, ungodly rigmarole.

He’s close to the front, absolutely positive he’ll be ushered through the pearly gate into the flower garden, rumored to be insanely great—not the quarry entrance, rumored to be insanely horseshit. Breaking rocks is for the little people.

A gaseous, wraithlike presence forms above the throng and swoops in. The crowd parts, bowing down, sycophant style. Steve stands erect and apart—unimpressed. He’s sure the wraith is simply a hologram. Clever, unless you understand the technology.

Give Steve a savvy team of lackeys and he could easily improve the hologram, make it insanely marketable. He admits the hovering gimmick is mystifying but he’ll put a team on that—harangue them, squeeze blood from turnips—and have it demystified in short order.

The wraith whispers instructions as it floats. People begin queuing up in front of each gate. What a fucked procedure! Steve will get a seat on the board and the power to fire people. Like that imbecile at the gate. Perhaps Steve may even choose to become CEO.

When the wraith reaches Steve the message is clear, “Your case remains under review. We appreciate your patience.”

Awareness comes sudden, comes hard—he hasn’t put a ding in the universe. The insanely great universe is pissed. And supremely unimpressed.


JRVogt said...

Heh. Some Apple fans might be unhappy with you. Fun piece!

Unknown said...

Very clever; made me smile.

Unknown said...

JR: Thank you! Yes, the true Apple believers may be upset, but even icons have to be held accountable. It helps if you read his bio. There´s good and bad in all of us. :)

Thank you!

Andrew L said...

Haha, I really enjoyed this!