by Sam Knight
Broken.
Just like his bank account. Just like his life. And now, just like his face.
He stared into the shattered mirror’s reflection, letting the kaleidoscope of Las Vegas’ lights play across his eyes, letting it distract him from the pain.
He felt the warm trickle of blood running down his face. Not much different than the feel of sweat in the Vegas heat.
It wasn’t enough that he’d lost his mind, gotten drunk, gotten high . . . gotten married in Vegas. No, it wasn’t enough. Vegas hadn’t been done with him yet.
She had turned out to be a Con, cleared out his bank account and left him on the street, credit cards maxed out, cash gone, car hocked.
The police hadn’t seemed to care.
He had wandered, hung over, wondering what to do, trying to find a payphone, considering who he could call collect.
Then, out of anger at his empty wallet, the mugger had slammed his face into the mirrored tile, shattering his nose along with the reflection. No, Vegas hadn’t been done with him yet.
He felt the world spun as he tried to wipe blood from his eyes, his splintered reflection unrecognizable.
“Are you okay? Man! That was totally uncalled for!”
Hands helped him up.
“We’ll take care of you buddy.”
Grinning faces surrounded him, guys, all wearing Hawaiian shirts.
“We just won the Powerball, and we’re here to celebrate. Come with us, we’ll make you forget all about this.”
No, Vegas wasn’t done with him yet.
9 comments:
I like the happy ending
Good work
Hah! Love it. Nice speedy roller coaster of down-then-up.
My favorite lines were that the blood trickling down his face felt the same as the way his sweat trickled down. Great job!
Well done, old bean. There's hope after all, but since it's Vegas, always look that gift horse in the mouth. The beginning sounded like my Monday at work.
I like the repeat of the theme that Vegas wasn't done with him yet and I do like the happy ending!
Oh no!! What happens next?!! Poor man!! What's he done that Vegas is so bad to him? Oh dear!
I loved it, loved the tension and the darkness but poor man!
p.s. thanks for the kind comment on my story!
Take care
x
Ha! Nice job Sam, I was not expecting the unfortunately-fortunately switch. After the shattered tile and No, Vegas hadn't been done with him yet. I was sure the narrator was in for more trouble. One small suggestion: I think you can eliminate some of the "hads." Once you've established that we're going back in time from the mugging, return to simple past tense. I believe the readers will be able to follow, and the language might be a little tighter.
Gosh he's had an eventful time! So pleased it has a happy ending.
What a range of experiences! Great twist at the end, Sam. It transitioned from tragedy to awesome like butter.
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