#28 “Social” Security

by KJ Hannah Greenberg

Dean Avery watched Thomas McNeal regard Jim Jackery’s cold, prone body.

Thomas: “Why d’ya kill ‘em?”

Dean: “Too competitive.”

Thomas: (silence)

Dean: “You students pay tens of thousands. Without superior educational achievement, there’d be no superior career achievement. Without superior career achievement we’d have less alumni-sourced funding. Parity matters. Success, yes. Stars, no. Everyone needs to get top grades.”

Thomas: “Shouldn’ta killed ‘em.”

Dean: “Professor Murphy says you did better than Jackery on the quantum physics final.”

Thomas: “Exaggerated.”

Dean: “Which direction?”

Thomas: “Student senate taped you, hacked you, photographed your home life. Nice Jacuzzi. The alumni body’s been sent email.”

Dean: “Let’s talk in my office.”

Thomas: “Uh-uh. Look at Jerry. You don’t want donations. You want the code.”

Dean: “For particle acceleration? Mr. McNeal, my office.”

Thomas: “Here. Talk here. Why’s Jerry’s body still here? Where are the campus police? The local sheriff? An ambulance? An autopsy? What’s your alibi?”

Dean: “Don’t fluster yourself. I can give you ten entire minutes before I meet with the trustees.”

Thomas: “Bring it.”

Dean: “Mr. McNeal, try gratitude.”

Thomas: “Kidding me?”

Dean: (reaches for cell ph): “I’ll call Dean Richter, your advisor. We can talk together.”

Thomas: “About the accelerator?”

Dean: “Nope, your overdue dorm fee.”

Thomas: (draws a gun and then backs away) “Don’t think so.”

Dean: (taps autodial) “Security, Dean Avery here . . . middling height . . . male . . . twentyish . . . red cap . . . armed . . . dangerous. No, I’ll be okay . . . just a physics major having a very bad day.”