#227 Who's the Fairest of Them All?

by Matthew Huffer

“For kingdom’s sake!” pleaded the king, “Just tell her she’s the loveliest of them all!”

The tower shuddered from an explosion; the earth coughed smoky vapors into a hazy afternoon sky filled with jet contrails.

The queen screamed “I’ll show you to wear makeup Trudy Templeton, you little tramp! Fire!”

Somewhere above their heads a pilot nodded and pulled his trigger. Trudy Templeton, a girl begrudgingly described by Brian Smith as “cute,” watched her home disintegrate.

King Edward told Mirror, “It’s really not that hard, I do it all the time! Of course I think she looks fat in that dress! She looks fat in every dress—but I keep that to myself for the good of this nation!”

Queen Agnes interrupted: “Mirror, Mirror, upon the wall, who is the fairest of all?”

King and company watched Mirror, frightened. He answered: “Queen I cannot lie, far lovelier is Jennifer Finch of Briar Drive.”

“Kill her!” demanded the queen. A soldier rushed to comply. “And now?”

“Your beauty beneath, that of Carrie Anne Marsh on Grover Street.”

So suffered the kingdom for months as the queen eliminated her competition to no avail; the kingdom’s birthrate was simply too high.

“You say this,” the queen gestured to a red button, “will make me the fairest of all?”

“Yes,” Mirror answered, “it will.”

From the castle’s shelter, Queen Agnes pushed the button then asked, “Now who’s the fairest?”

Mirror rubbed his chin and said, “Well, the king did just get a haircut. . .”